Eat this Voldie
by kriss1
Summary: It's about Harry and his er.. brave friend fighting Voldemort. Warning: they brought it! Please notice this humorPARODY
1. Chicken plan

Chickens  
  
Hermione, Harry and Ron were all in the forbidden forest, and they were talking about Harry's latest idea to bring Lord Voldemort down.  
  
Hermione: So, Harry, let me see if I have gotten right. Your plan is that we dress out like chickens and jump him (him being Lord Voldemort)  
  
Harry: yep  
  
Hermione: -_-  
  
Ron: I don't know.  
  
Harry: What do you mean you don't know, mister I-don't-know  
  
Ron: Well, don't you think he would react if he saw three human sized chickens running around whit wands.  
  
Harry: You're right! Of course, we must find a place to hide our wands.  
  
Ron: That's not the point..  
  
Harry: What do you mean, I don't get it  
  
Hermione: No surprise there..  
  
Harry: huh  
  
Hermione: Never mind.  
  
Ron: my point is, don't you think Lord Voldemort will react if he sees three CHICKENS running around.  
  
Harry: Yes, but he will be so shocked that he won't have time to kill us, and then we run like hell, well you and me Ron, and Hermione takes him out.  
  
Hermione: Hey, why me!!  
  
Ron: Well, that actually makes sense.  
  
Harry: I told you  
  
Hermione: No it doesn't!!!! Don't you get it? Voldemort would kill us at once, because he WOULD react at once if he saw three human sized chickens. And it's not fair that I have to stay behind and kill him while you two make a run for it.  
  
Harry: Well someone has to deal whit the press..  
  
Ron: let me think  
  
Harry: me too Harry and Ron thinks .... and thinks  
  
Harry: well, you know what Ron. You're right, chocolate does beat soda. 'Cause when you think about soda's ...  
  
Hermione: Idiots, I'm surrounded by idiots...  
  
Ron: Hey, that's not very nice.  
  
Hermione: Whatever.  
  
Ron: Harry, I think Hermione thinks she's better than me...  
  
Hermione: I do not  
  
Ron: do to  
  
Hermione: I'm not responding to that  
  
Ron: Harry, tell Hermione that I'm not talking to her.  
  
Ron sticks out his tongue  
  
Harry: Hermione, Ron's not.  
  
Hermione: I know.. I hear, gees Ron. Act you age not you're IQ.  
  
Ron: Thanks ^_^  
  
Hermione: Umm, that's not a comp... never mind, let's go on  
  
Harry: Where were we?  
  
Ron: Dunno  
  
Hermione rolls eyes  
  
Harry: I know, we were talking about how soda is not...  
  
Hermione: Not that, the plan  
  
Harry: Oh, right..  
  
.....  
  
Hermione: Um...we were talking about how it's not a good idea, because Lord Voldemort would kill us before we get a chanse to say Chocolate frogs  
  
Ron: Why would we want to say chocolate frogs.?  
  
Hermione: .-_-..  
  
Ron: I mean, help I would understand, AU and stuff. But do you really think that when you die, you go "oh no, I'm dying chocolate frogs"  
  
Harry: You're right. I think my last words would be like.um..like shit or something  
  
Hermione: That's not the point  
  
Ron: You just won't admit that you were wrong.  
  
Hermione: Rrrright.  
  
Ron: Now don't you feel good admitting it.  
  
Suddenly, out of nowhere Lord Voldemort appears.  
  
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-  
  
Ohh, cliffhanger.. 


	2. You going down

I dare you !!!  
  
I forgot disclamer : NOT MINE !!!  
  
Lord Voldemort: I am Lord Voldemort, you shall fear me...  
  
Harry: Oh no, it's Voldemort  
  
Hermione: talk about stating the obvious.  
  
Ron runs off  
  
Hermione: (mutters) coward  
  
Lord Voldemort: Buwhahahaha  
  
Hermione and Harry: um..  
  
Lord Voldemort: I shall suck your blood..  
  
Harry: I didn't know you were a vampire  
  
Lord Voldemort: I'm not, but LuciusLove though it hot ...um I mean.err... Your end is near.buwahahahaha  
  
Hermione: You're gay!!!!! I never saw it coming, you don't look it  
  
Lord Voldemort: And that's why I gave up wearing pink robes, it tends to give it away.  
  
Hermione: You're gay!!!  
  
Lord Voldemort: We have been over this.  
  
Harry: you know Voldemort, ups I mean he-who-I-must-not-say-by-name, um... I mean he-who-I-can-not-name.. no that doesn't seem quite right. hmm do you mind if I call you Voldemort  
  
Lord Voldemort: Not at all, But do we really have to do this whole killing thing. I mean, you could join me...  
  
Harry: No!! You killed my parents  
  
Lord Voldemort: What, I did what!!!!  
  
Harry: You didn't???  
  
Lord Voldemort: Oh wait a sec, Lily and James. Oh yes, I killed them, but does it really matter.  
  
Harry: They were my parents  
  
Lord Voldemort: your point being....  
  
Suddenly Ron appears in a giant chicken costume Harry: -_-  
  
Lord Voldemort: o_o  
  
Hermione: Ron, we decided not to go whit that plan.  
  
Lord Voldemort: What plan, you were plotting against me... I can't believe it. I feel so betrayed  
  
Lord Voldemort looked at the three teen's whit a look of shock  
  
Hermione: Um..  
  
Lord Voldemort: Harry, you can't beat me  
  
Harry: can too  
  
Lord Voldemort: Can not  
  
Harry: can to  
  
Lord Voldemort: You're mama  
  
Hermione: ohh... you've done it now mister.  
  
Harry: yeah, no one talks about my mama like that.  
  
Ron: yeah  
  
Harry: You stupid cross-dresser whit two left feet and a ugly nose  
  
Voldemort looks furious  
  
Lord Voldemort: I can beat you anytime, anywhere, anyplace... well, not Sundays... I'm busy Sundays  
  
Harry: Oh aren't we all... I mean bring it on  
  
Suddenly Hermione and Ron run away.  
  
Harry: hey, where are you going?  
  
Ron: (like the terminator) I'll be back  
  
Ron and Hermione come back, now Ron's wearing an orange Speedo and a huge red afro. Hermione has her own giant brown afro, and is wearing this pink miniskirt.  
  
Hermione: Let's get it on my brother  
  
Harry: Right on sister. Takes Hermione's hand and goes out on the dance floor (of course there are disco's in the forbidden forest)  
  
Lord Voldemort: What the f***, I mean I am surprised. He says and winks to an imaginary Camera. But if this is the way you won't it Pot-head, let me see if you can groove.  
  
And the fight begins, and the fight keeps going.and going  
  
Harry: Wow Voldie, do you mind if I call you Voldie  
  
Lord Voldemort: Why not at all my brother  
  
Harry: Right, as I was saying. You are an amazing dancer, your moves are just so groovy.  
  
Lord Voldemort: Thank you, thank you very much... but I must say that you are very good. You blow me away, but I'm wondering, do we have any good weed?  
  
Ron: Ron da man don't do dat shit..  
  
Harry. I'm hearing ya, he's right that shit ain't good for ya  
  
Hermione: I'm confused are we wannebe hippies are wannabe gansta  
  
Lord Voldemort: You got to be whit us, bi-acht 'Cause ya ain't hearing us, we ain't no hippi-shit.We bad boys.  
  
Hermione: Is that so.  
  
Harry: So what do ya say, *turnes to Hermione*, want to get it on...want to make the dance floor hot. want to shake ya bo-tey  
  
Hermione: I don't think so, aren't we supposed to KILL Lord Voldemort, not dance whit him???  
  
Lord Voldemort: Now look here young lady, I don't like your attitude.  
  
Hermione: So..  
  
Lord Voldemort: Jævlasnørrunge * a white light shoots out of his wand and Hermione disappear*  
  
Draco (yes Draco) : What's going on here.  
  
Harry: What do you care Darco Mc.Ferret  
  
Ron: yee-ah *sticks out his tongue at Draco* you so ferret, the ferrets think you are. um. ferret.  
  
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-'  
  
what will happen to our heroes.?  
  
Stay tuned for more stupidity  
  
And a little hint hark hark review hark hark  
  
I know this chapter is kind of lame, but I tired.. Very tired * starts snoring* 


	3. I dunno

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of that shit (surprise surprise) though I'd like to, he he, but we all know that's not gonna happened..  
  
I'd like to thank Rei-Chan, although I know you would say it's great no matter how terrible it is, Doe, Cake eater (don't we all) ,GrYfiNdR tOWr DeTH eAtR, my mum, God, Santa, The guy who invented coke and on.. and on..  
  
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
What's happened: Draco came.. Hey, do you see this story posted under drama..  
  
Aaaanyway, on whit the story....  
  
EVEN I HAVE NO IDEA..  
  
Draco: I had to use the bathroom, sue me.  
  
Ron: *turns to Harry* do you think we have a case  
  
Lord Voldemort: Draco, have you heard from your father.um. we sort of had this fight; he hasn't said anything to you, has he?? I mean, it wasn't important or anything.. I'm just wondering ...  
  
Draco: Ooooookey, and no he hasn't said anything to me.  
  
Lord Voldemort: He he, of course not, why would he. it's nothing big.  
  
Ron: Hey, where did Hermione go?  
  
Harry: Oh my gosh, you're right. She's not here, I wonder where she is? Hmmmm... Do I know anyone evil and hostile.  
  
Turns to Lord Voldemort  
  
Lord Voldemort: Hey, why is everyone looking at me?  
  
Harry: Voldie is there anything you want to tell me.  
  
Draco: Voldie?  
  
Lord Voldemort: No, of course not, *makes puppy dog eyes* how could you accuse me of something like that.. I haven't done anything!! I swear  
  
Harry: okay  
  
Shrugs  
  
Lord Voldemort: why are you looking at me like that, stop it!  
  
Harry: huh  
  
Lord Voldemort: Okey, okey I did it... happy? Now stop looking at me  
  
Draco: How could you!!!  
  
Harry: huh  
  
Ron: huh  
  
The two boys look's puzzled  
  
Draco: Oh that's right! you guys don't know, I'm Hermione's lover  
  
Harry and Ron: What!?  
  
Draco: Well of course I'm her lover. Hello, I'm your worst enemy..  
  
Harry: and..  
  
Draco: So the plot is that we must fight for our undying love, and therefore make the story more dramatic. But then "Voldie" here comes and runs everything, you are such a party-pooper.  
  
Lord Voldemort: moi..?..  
  
Draco: No the guy next to you  
  
Lord Voldemort turns around  
  
Draco: -_-  
  
Harry: um... I think you have the wrong story; I'M the star in this one.  
  
Draco: Oh, sorry  
  
Harry: it's alright mate, it happens to me all the time  
  
Draco: mmmm  
  
Harry: you should have seen Snape's face when I walked in on him and Dumbledore, not pretty.  
  
Lord Voldemort: What Snape's seeing Albus, that.that tramp. I can't believe it.  
  
Lord Voldemort runs off crying  
  
Lord Voldemort comes back  
  
Lord Voldemort: Well who cares I got Lucius, and he's twice the man Snape will ever be.  
  
Draco: WHAT !?!  
  
Ron: hello  
  
Harry: What was that for?  
  
Ron: well I haven't said anything in a looong while, and my fans don't like it.  
  
Harry: What fans?  
  
Ron points to a bunch of people shouting "we wont Ron, we want Ron"  
  
Harry: sins when are you fuck*ing Gilderoy Lockhart?  
  
G. Lockhart: You called.  
  
Fan girls go berserk  
  
Harry: Hey, um. why are you here  
  
G. Lockhart: I don't know  
  
Smiles in to the camera  
  
Lord Voldemort: You're hair is waaaay to blond, what are you gay?  
  
Harry: I though you were the one that's g..  
  
Lord Voldemort: aaaaaaaaanyway..  
  
Harry: Why are you here?  
  
Lord Voldemort: me?  
  
Harry: no  
  
Ron: me  
  
Harry: no ...  
  
Harry: I'm talking to you *points at Lockhart*  
  
G. Lockhart: Poor boy, don't know what he's saying, of course he's tried that I'm here. Aren't we all  
  
Ron and Lord Voldemort shake heads  
  
G. Lockhart: but you love me.I'm your hero... aren't I  
  
Ron, Harry and Lord Voldemort shake heads  
  
G. Lockhart: I've been living a lie.. *starts crying* Or have I, maybe this is a plan to bring me down. *looks around*Aha, though you had me, hadn't you, but no one can fool the great Gilderoy Elisa Lockhart.  
  
Ron: Elisa?  
  
G. Lockhart: My dad had this thing for my fair lady  
  
Ron: oh  
  
Harry: But why are you here?  
  
G. Lockhart: Oh, the so called author  
  
Me: hey  
  
G. Lockhart: sorry, where was I.. oh yes, well you see, the hark author though I'm not just a bimbo, she's about to find out that she's wrong and remove me from this piece of junk..  
  
Me: oh you're in it deep now  
  
Suddenly Lockhart looses all his clothes on the floor and shows a fat ass, and a tattoo that says: I love my mummy. Then he starts to dance the Macarena, and runs off into the woods.  
  
Me: ha ha  
  
Harry: but what did you do to Hermione?  
  
Looks at Voldemort  
  
Lord Voldemort: I sent her where she belonged  
  
Draco: I will get you for this  
  
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
yes, yes I know its lame... no need to tell me...  
  
And don't worry (like you are), Hermione is coming back  
  
Some guy: yay !!  
  
Me: Who are you?  
  
Some guy: I'm your stalker  
  
Me: I have a stalker. cool. I feel important 


	4. What our heroes think

This is something I wrote when I woke up, so you just know it's going to be great. ^_^  
  
What has happened: Okey this is a real summary, it all started whit an  
  
idiotic idea from Harry. Then Voldemort came, and he made Hermione  
  
disappear. Then Draco came, and then Lockhart came. But I took him out  
  
because he was mean to me. and that's where we are now...  
  
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
WHAT'S INSIDE OUR UM... HEROES MIND  
  
Ron's POV.  
  
I an Harry havv benn fighting Lord Voldemort, he is meen.  
  
Hermini sadd somm meen tinggs to me.  
  
Ronn Wesly  
  
HERMIONE'S POV  
  
Since last time I wrote Harry had managed to come up with this  
  
totally idiotic plan. Braise yourself; he wanted us to dress up  
  
like chickens and attack He-who-must-not-be-named.  
  
I wonder why I even bother being friends whit them, they are so stupid  
  
it's sad.  
  
Hermione Kristtiornia Rachel Granger  
HARRY'S POV  
  
I am in the middle of a fight whit Voldemort, and I must come  
  
up whit something that can bring him down.  
  
And although I only have 50 IQ, if I work really hard: I'm  
  
bound to find an answer, aren't I?  
TOM RIDDLE'S DIARY  
  
Note to self: kill all mudbloods  
  
DRACO'S POV.  
  
God I'm hot  
  
Hermione's POV  
  
Right now we are fighting He-who-must-not-be-named, guess what I  
  
found out HE'S GAY!!!!! Oh my gosh, I can't wait to tell. um, oh I  
  
forgot I don't have any friends. Well except Harry and Ron, but they know  
  
it too. Between the battles I have managed to write all my potions essays,  
  
and no way am I going to let Ron or Harry copy. Last time that happened,  
  
the two morons actually signed whit my name. And the worst part, they  
  
didn't even spell it right. Because as far as I know, my name is Hermione  
  
nor Hermini or Hermoani.  
  
Hermione Kristtiornia Rachel Granger  
TOM RIDDLES DIARY  
  
Note to self: do not tell your enemies you're gay.  
  
DRACO'S POV  
  
I looked in the mirror and I found out that not only am I hot, I'm perfect.  
  
TOM RIDDLES DIARY  
  
Hello, my name is Virginia Weasley  
  
Tom: What?! Not you again!  
  
Ginny: Huh  
  
Tom: What are you? clepto about my old diaries or something. Get your own bloody journal.  
  
Ginny: Huh  
  
Tom: I'm Tom Riddle you silly little girl.  
  
Ginny: Nooooo  
  
Tom: Yeah, yeah... this is the SECOND time you start to write in MY old diary. What is that? Or are you just to poor to bye your own. Now hand this over to Harry, so I can lure him into a secret room for a short shag.  
  
Ginny: Um... Harry doesn't swing that way  
  
Tom: And how would you know, if I remember correct, he never saw at you twice  
  
Ginny: Just because  
  
Tom: Because? Ohh, don't tell me you still have a crush on him...  
  
Ginny: ....  
  
Tom: Oh my god, you're in love whit Harry Potter  
  
Ginny: am not  
  
Tom: are too  
  
Ginny: not  
  
Tom: too  
  
Ginny: not  
  
Tom: too  
  
Ginny: How would you know, you are just a pathetic memory  
  
Tom: Yeah, yeah..  
  
Ginny: You're stupid  
  
Tom: You're fat  
  
Ginny: I am not  
  
Tom: are to  
  
Ginny: not  
  
Tom: too  
  
Ginny: not  
  
Tom: too  
  
Ginny: No, seriously I'm really skinny  
  
Tom: Yeah, yeah suuuure you are  
  
Ginny: That's it, I'm leaving  
  
Tom: Are not  
  
Ginny: Wanna bet?  
  
TOM RIDDLES DIARY  
  
Note to self: Do not leave my old diaries whit stupid little red-heads.  
  
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-  
  
Honestly: I have no idea what this is about, I'm out of ideas..do you have some.  
  
Some guy: I think you should put me in the next chapter  
  
Me: Don't worry people, it's not gonna happened... 


	5. Love suck

I'm not going to have a summary, 'cause you've probably read the others chapters, and don't need it.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, J.K Rowling does..  
  
Ps: this chapter is in U.K English not the US type.  
  
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
LOVE IS PAIN.  
  
Suddenly Snape, Hermione and Lucius appear.  
  
Lord Voldemort screams like a little girl, and tries to hide behind Ron. One problem: Ron is half his size.  
  
Lucius: Voldie Doldie?  
  
Draco: o_O  
  
Lord Voldemort: Shit  
  
Snape: Hello everyone  
  
Lord Voldemort: Snape, is it true, are you're seeing Dumbledore?  
  
Snape: Um. err.. *gulp* no..  
  
Lucius: What do you care? Remember, you're whit ME now.  
  
Lord Voldemort: But Lucius don't..  
  
Lucius: This is all I have to say to you *starts singing to the melody of Sailing*  
  
How many years must I wait for my love?  
  
Before he will finally be mine  
  
Yes, and what must I do for him  
  
to notice me  
  
And make him want me back  
  
And how many times must he turn me down  
  
Before he'll see he loves me  
  
The answer dear love,  
  
I don't know  
  
The answer is unknown to me  
  
Draco looks like is going to be sick, and Ron has already fallen to the ground  
  
Lord Voldemort: Well I have something to say, this is for you Snape  
  
Snape: Oh lord  
  
Lord Voldemort: *starts singing to the melody Never Ever (by All Saints)*  
  
A few things that I need to know (A.N: I know in the real song she says questions)  
  
Did you ever love me?  
  
Or was it's just a game for you  
  
Always leaving me,  
  
Harry and Ron: Buuuu  
  
You were always in your classroom,  
  
And never whit me  
  
Did I do something wrong,  
  
Tell me now, 'cause I want to know  
  
You can tell it to my face  
  
Or even by owl  
  
You can send it whit a student  
  
Either way I need to know  
  
All the answers I need to know  
  
My heads spinning,  
  
I though I hadn't done anything wrong  
  
Everything was just peachy  
  
And then you came,  
  
And wreck it all  
  
It started small, you had to go  
  
Said you were washing your hair,  
  
But we both know you never do  
  
So where were you?  
  
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---  
  
Snape: Ahem, not in front of students  
  
Ron, Harry, Hermione and Draco look as if they want to die  
  
Draco: Whyyyyyyyy, do you know how many galleons I have to spend on therapy after this *Starts crying*  
  
Hermione: *pads his shoulder, and turn to Voldemort and Snape* nice, real nice.  
  
Snape: Ohh eas up, it's just a little bit of love *looks as he's about to starts singing*  
  
Harry: Noooooooo, please don't *on his knees* please.  
  
Lord Voldemort: *turns to Lucius* you see before he answers these questions I can never  
  
truly is whit you.  
  
Lucius: I will wait. for about one hour, so start blabbing Snape  
  
Snape: Okey, I guess it's no surprise I've been seeing Dumbledore, but what you don't know is that I've also been seeing Lucy  
  
Harry: Okey, first: when did this turn into freaking Jerry Springer, second: who the hell is Lucy?  
  
Snape: III'llllllllll neeeeeeeeveeeeeeeer teeeell you....  
  
Lord Voldemort: Well, it's no shame in losing when it's loosing to Dumbledore ... So what do you say Lucius, wanna go he-he-hoooo  
  
Lucius: I sure do ^_^  
  
Snape: Okey I'll say it, Lucy is short for Lucius  
  
Draco: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, not AGAIN!!!!!!!  
  
Harry, Ron and Hermione: O_o  
  
Lord Voldemort: WHAT !!???!?  
  
Lucius: It didn't mean anything, and stop panicking Draco, a Malfoy never panics. *grabs Lord Voldemorts leg* I love you, you and nobody else.  
  
Snape: That's not what you said last night.  
  
Lucius hits Snape whit a giant hammer that he had err. hidden in his robes.  
  
Snape: Au, why did you do THAT?  
  
Lust, shit I mean Lucius sticks out tongue.  
  
Lord Voldemort: Well Lucy, I think we all did some mistake, but I forgive you  
  
Snape: Thank you  
  
Lord Voldemort: Not you bitch, I still hate you  
  
Lucius: Me? *point on himself*  
  
Lord Voldemort: Yes  
  
Lucius: YAY!  
  
Lord Voldemort and Lucius walks into the sunset.  
  
-- -- -- -- -- --- --- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --  
  
Lord Voldemort: Fuck, I forgot that I can't leave before we have fought each other to the end..  
  
Harry: So you came back to fight me.  
  
Lord Voldemort: Yes, it has to read realistic  
  
Hermione: Why it hasn't been this far.  
  
Ron: I resent that!  
  
Hermione rolls eyes  
  
Lord Voldemort: But I can't just leave now.  
  
Harry: Why not  
  
Lord Voldemort shrugs and walks away  
  
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
The end, or is it...  
  
Some guy: I like All Saints  
  
Me: Are you still here?  
  
Some guy: Looks like it  
  
Me: Why?  
  
Some guy: Dunno  
  
Me: Rrrright  
  
Some guy: Is the story really over.  
  
Me: No! I mean err.. Wait and see.  
  
Some guy: don't you mean read and see...  
  
Me: -_-  
  
I'm soo going to regret this in the morning, it's 22:37 now, and I have been awake sins 06:30  
  
Ideas are welcome, because I'm out (and I guess you can probably see it in this chappie)  
  
Read this backwards: revo ton si yrots eht 


	6. And this is when I stoped giving a shit

BACK HOME, FOR A WHILE  
  
Then the three boys (finally) noticed that Hermione was back.  
  
Harry: "Hermione you're back"  
  
Hermione: "No shit"  
  
Draco tries to kiss her and she turns away  
  
Hermione. What the hell are you doing ferret boy?  
  
Harry: hey, that's right out mean  
  
Of course, and for no reason, Harry and Draco are now the best friends in the world. And  
  
Harry has absolutely no problem whit the fact that Draco had been a real arse to him, nor does  
  
Draco have a problem whit Harry, Ron or muggle born. (hey its MINE story, and Draco is  
  
just misunderstood)  
  
BAM, suddenly Draco is turned into a little, pink rabbit.  
  
Harry: *turns to Hermione* Hermione!!!!  
  
Hermione: What, it wasn't me, I did NOT do that *blinks nervously*  
  
Harry: Hermione I saw you  
  
Ron: Harry, just because we saw her pull out his wand, points it at Draco and said  
  
DracoRabbito doesn't mean she did it!  
  
Harry: No of 'course not, and a bloody knife whit fingerprints isn't evidence in a crime seen.  
  
Ron: What, Poirot has a lot to answer to  
  
Harry: Can you possibly be so stupid  
  
Ron: huh  
  
Harry. I guess so .. Bu that doesn't change the fact that you turned Draco into a rabbit  
  
Hermione!  
  
Hermione: Okay, I admit it, I did it.  
  
The rabbit formally known as Draco: `_´  
  
Hermione: ExDarcoRabitto  
  
BAM, Draco is yet again a hot err . I mean Draco is yet again human.. Yeah, that's better  
  
Draco: Why did you do that ?!  
  
Hermione: *shrugs* you tried to kiss me ..  
  
Draco: Oh yeah, I forgot .. We're not lovers in this one .  
  
Hermione: huh ?  
  
Draco: *looks around* I've said too much ...  
  
Hermione: Ooooookey  
  
Harry: But where were you ?  
  
Hermione: *starts crying* (my characters seems to do that a lot) I don't want to say it ...  
  
Ron: *pads her shoulder* It's okay, you're whit friends now ..  
  
Hermione: It was terrible, I don't think I'll ever get over it .  
  
Draco: Oh, it can't be that bad. Remember, I grew up whit a sadistic father, and  
  
Ron. Don't you mean GAY father *sticks out tongue*  
  
Draco: Why you little .. *runs to Ron and starts beating the shit out of him*  
  
Harry: Wait, Draco violence is not the way ..  
  
Draco: You're right, sorry . *takes out his wand* RonRabbito  
  
Now Ron is turned to a little pink rabbit  
  
Harry and Hermione sculls  
  
Draco: Hey, he had it coming, but tell us Hermione.  
  
Hermione: I *sob* were *sob* at a *sob* Britney Spea- ea-ea buhuu  
  
Harry and Draco: Noooooooooooooo  
  
Harry: Are you okay, that's terrible, I can't, I can't ..  
  
Draco: Nothing I have never, you poor thing ..  
  
Hermione: I kno-ow-ow, I'll never get over this NEVER !!!!  
  
Harry: I'll kill you for this Voldemort, I'LL KILL YOU, and I don't care I if have to walk in on you and Lucius shag ...  
  
Me: Ahem  
  
Draco hits Harry , hard!  
  
Harry. Sorry, where was I? Oh, you and Lucius in an intimate conversation ..  
  
Me: much better .  
  
¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨--------------------------¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨  
  
Later on, Draco has turned Ron back to a well, to what ever he was before .... And now Ron  
  
would rather jump than walk, and enjoys eating grass, nothing new in other words.  
  
Harry: We need a plan  
  
Hermione: If it involves giant chicken costumes I'm leaving  
  
Draco: Why the hell would it invol ..  
  
Hermione: Don't ask .  
  
Ron: How about we go to the Malfoy manor and kill him ..  
  
Hermione: That's a stu .. Wait a minute  
  
Everybody waits a minute  
  
Hermione: That's not a stupid idea, why didn't I think of that ..  
  
Ron: That's because you don't watch Tom and Jerry ...  
  
Draco: Leave it Hermione .  
  
So basically, we're back where we started, planning the plan .  
  
Hermione: I'm freezing, can we go back to the castle  
  
Harry: It's not cold  
  
Hermione: I know, but the author I out of ideas and that will give her a chance to bring in more characters.  
  
Me: I'm so never trusting you again  
  
Hermione: it's your own fault, I'm emotionally scared for the rest of my life because of you ..  
  
Me: He, he *laughs nervously* yeah, sorry about that ..  
  
Hermione: Apology NOT accepted  
  
Ron and Harry: ye-eah  
  
Me: I sow lilo and Stitch yesterday, sue me! Oh, and in case you will, I do not own Disney ..  
  
¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨---------------------------------- ¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨  
  
Back at the castle  
  
Cho: Harry !  
  
Harry: Cho! I can't believe it's you, and even though I'm a teenager whit hormones, I have no  
  
Intentions of jumping you 'cause then the youngest readers would stop buying the books .  
  
Me: Just ignore that last one  
  
Cho on her side wanted to .. and that's how far I'll go. 'Cause as my friend Rei_Chan  
  
says, I'm not gonna write something I can't read. (We're both under 17)  
  
Cho: Where have you been? I was starting to worry  
  
Harry: In the forbidden .err, mean by the lake, yeah by the lake ..  
  
Cho: I'll leave 'cause the athor don't have anymore lines for me  
  
Me: Arrrg, stop giving away what I'm doing, I'm so going to pair you up whit Goyle after this  
  
Cho.  
  
¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨---------------------------- ¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨  
  
In the Gryffindor common room  
  
Dumbledore: Harry, will you come to my office.  
  
Harry: *gulp* if it's about that plant, I was only growing it .um I had no plan smoking it, I promise .  
  
Dumbledore: This isn't about you growing weed  
  
Harry: He he, of course not, what weed I don't have any weed.  
  
And whit that he quickly cross he's arms so that the headmaster won't notice his T-shirt that says "I grow weed in my room"  
  
At the office  
  
Harry: Oh a shiny thingy, hello little golden tingy  
  
Dumbledore: No don't touch that !!  
  
Too late, crash !  
  
Dumbledore: You little, no control your self Albus it will soon be over breath, breath. Soon He'll be gone, and I don't have to see that stupid little brat ever again.  
  
Harry: Um .. You're starting to freak me out professor  
  
Dumbledore: Oh, don't fear my child, I can't wait to speak in your funeral, I'm okay, I will be when you're gone.  
  
Harry: Oooookay ...  
  
Dumbledore: Listen, I know that Voldemort is hiding in a little house in the woods, but not by himself he he he  
  
Harry: O_o  
  
Dumbledore: Go there .  
  
Harry: Okay, but I really don't want to, I'm soooo tired of walking in the woods now, we  
  
were just in the forbidden forest, ups. I don't mean the FORBIDDEN forbidden forests, he  
  
he, I mean the UNforbidden forest, he he. Yeah that's it .... Thinking (out loud): Good one  
  
Harry, He'll never suspect a thing  
  
Dumbledore: -_-, just go !!  
  
Harry: Will do  
  
¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨------------------------------- ¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨  
  
Read and review.  
  
Make love not war  
  
And stay in school ^_^  
  
See ya ...  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, yes I know, a reeeaaaal shock for you. 


	7. A Note

AUTHORS NOTE: .  
  
I've said this many, many, many times before, but you just don't get it. I'M OUT OF IDEAS!!!!  
  
Please, please, please give me some. Gimmi, gimmie, gimmie. If you got any, no matter  
  
how stupid they are (although they'll look like Nobel winning literature compared whit my  
  
stuff)  
  
Please; *gets down on knees* please ?!!  
  
.  
  
-Kriss 


	8. Who are these guys ?

Thanks for the -ahem- help, and being the person I am, I'm putting all your ideas in this.  
  
THE LOCKER-ROOM  
  
It wasn't until Harry was back in the common-room; he remembered this was the day of the most important quidditch match.  
  
Harry: Oh no, I forgot, today is the day of the most important match, EVER!  
  
Hermione: Oh my god, fighting the most dangerous wizard of all times sure makes you forget things.  
  
Ron: We better get going  
  
-  
  
Wood: Okay Harry! I'm counting on you, this is the most important fight EVER!  
  
Harry: My words exactly  
  
Wood: No way, that's soooooo freaky.  
  
Harry: I know  
  
George: Ahem, what about us Wood, don't we count for anything  
  
Wood: No, only Harry is special. He's the star  
  
Harry: *starts to jump up and down* I'm the star, la la la la la, in your face, ha ha.  
  
Fred: All bow to the mighty Scar-head  
  
Harry: Hmmm, if I didn't know better, I'd say that was sarcastic.  
  
Fred: You don't  
  
Harry: Hmmmm, I can't put my finger on it, nah it's probably nothing.. I know you love me  
  
Fred: *starts banging head to the wall* I hate Pot-head, I hate Pot-head, I HATE POT-HEAD  
  
Harry: I don't know who this Pot-head is, but I sure feel sorry for him  
  
George: O_o  
  
Suddenly seven very well known figures come through the door.  
  
Angelica: No shit, I love you *points at this drop dead gorges man*  
  
Dumbledore: I can't believe my eyes, after all these years.  
  
Fred: First, Who are you, and second: why are you here Dumbledore  
  
Dumbledore: The one that looks waaaaaaaaaaay old is my brother, and I'm here because .. just because. I'm always there  
  
Ron: So where were you when Harry was being attacked?  
  
Dumbledore: Which time  
  
Ron: all of them  
  
Dumbledore: I was waiting for my time to strike .  
  
Ron: Sure you were .  
  
Dumbledore: Oh what do you know anyway?  
  
New guy I: I'm Gandalf, Albus is my brother  
  
New guy II: I'm Legolas  
  
Angelica starts drooling  
  
New guy III: I'm Aragorn, and you *points at Angelica* stop getting my shoes wet  
  
New guy IV: I'm Frodo Baggins  
  
Fred: God you're short  
  
Frodo: You're ugly  
  
Fred: Yeah, yeah .. but honestly, I've seen dwarfs taller than you, and dwarfs are like as tall as like ..um, like really really short things  
  
New guy V: I'll kill you  
  
Fred: who are you?  
  
New guy: I'm Gimli  
  
Fred: And that's supposed to tell me something?  
  
Gimli: Grrrrr  
  
New guy VI: relax Gimli  
  
Fred: Who are you?  
  
New guy VII: I'm Sam  
  
Angelica: I know you; you're that nobody that's stalking Frodo  
  
Sam: I'll kill you. *starts running towards Angelica whit his sword* die bitch, die!!!  
  
Angelica: Get away from me, get away . somebody help me, HELP?!  
  
Frodo: Sam, stop trying to kill her  
  
Sam: Yes master, wait a minute . you don't tell me what to do  
  
Frodo: Actually I do, 'cause I'M wearing the ring. Don't make me turn all Sauro on ya  
  
Sam: Gandalf, Frodo is saying he's gonna turn evil again  
  
Gandalf: Well, I guess I'll have to play exorcist again  
  
New guy VIII: I'm Pippin  
  
George: Who asked you?  
  
Pippin: Oh, shut up  
  
George: I will not !  
  
Pippin: You probably couldn't, even if you wanted to  
  
George: I could too, and to prove it, I'm not gonna say another word  
  
Pippin: paaaaaaaaaaaaarty  
  
Takes out little hats and champagne  
  
New guy IX: Not yet Pippin, and by the way, I'm Merry  
  
Harry: That's a stupid name  
  
Merry: look who's talking  
  
Harry: Um ..me? wait a minute, is that an insult *looks over at Ron, Ron nods*  
  
Merry: Duh  
  
Harry. You have ugly feet  
  
Merry: You have sissy feet  
  
Harry: You're hairy  
  
Merry: You look like a wimp  
  
Gandalf: Is this going somewhere ..  
  
Hermione: Whit Harry, it usually don't  
  
Wood: What are you doing here, are you a spy .. You're a spy aren't you, well tell Slytherin nobody spies on me! *Takes out his wand*  
  
Hermione: It's me Wood, Hermione  
  
Wood: It's you!! How could you betray Gryffindor and be a spy for Slytherin  
  
Hermione: I'm not a spy!  
  
Wood: Oh, why didn't you just say so .. But what are you doing here, are you some sort of  
  
pervert. Sneaking in to the boys changing room. Oh my good, you're a pervert, ewwwwwwwwwww  
  
Hermione: Angelica's here, you don't call her a pervert  
  
Angelica: Who's calling me a pervert *hits Hermione*, now where were we Lego. Oh yes,  
  
how about those dinner plans, hey, don't you run away from me! And just what do you mean  
  
by saying; get this crazy girl away from me !  
  
Hermione: o_O  
  
Wood: Hermione's a pervert, a pervert, a pervert  
  
Gandalf: Are everyone crazy around here?  
  
Frodo: Looks like it  
  
Dumbledore: Who asked you Shorty?  
  
Frodo: Oh shut up Oldie  
  
Wood: Quit it, the game is about to begin ..  
  
--------------------------------_____________________----------------------- ------  
  
Disclaimer (a.k.a. boring legal stuff): Not mine!!!!!!  
  
a.n: I know I there wasn't a match in this one, but there will be in the next crappie  
  
Thanks to: GrYfiNdR tOWr DeTH eAtr, Rei-Chan (her boooooyfriend gave me the idea  
  
about the cross over *Rei-Chan runs toward me whit BIG knife screaming "he's not my  
  
boyfriend", he he, suuure about that?), Sonata, Silver Dragon Goddess, Silver, Kathyhime85,  
  
me, Tigerlily, Hrei-siesn (who doesn't really like my story), Cake eater and Doe (my very  
  
first reviewer)  
  
.  
  
And I'd still love some ideas.  
  
Ps: I didn't really understand your review GrYfiNdR t. D. e. do you want me to bring you into my story and make you fall in love whit someone?  
  
Peace out 


	9. Just ignore this one

Disclaimer: not mine, never has been and never will be.  
  
THE FIGHT, THE CRAP AND THE IDIOTIC  
  
Merry: What's qudditc?  
  
Wood: That's not what it's called !  
  
Merry: Who gives a shit? Just tell me what it is!  
  
Wood: It's a very .yadda, yadda, yadda *talk on for hoooooooooooooours*  
  
Merry: So basically, it's just a bunch of guys..  
  
Angelica: *smacks him over the head* I resent that  
  
Merry: Sorry, just a bunch of people sitting on flying sticks trying to fetch balls  
  
Wood: No, it's highly ..um... err, yeah  
  
Harry: I think the games about to start  
  
Wood: Now, are you ready  
  
Fred: Why don't you just ask Harry, he the star  
  
Harry: Darn straight!  
  
Legolas: Can I play?  
  
Angelica: Sure you can, anything for you... *smiles*  
  
Legolas: Um, thanks  
  
Wood: No you can't, for all I know this is a conspiracy against me. You are sent here by the Slytherins because they are afraid of us, I'm supposed to let you play, and then you will sabotage me. Thought you had me didn't you, Lego.. Oh, what a fool you were, and now you must pay, bwahahahahahaha  
  
Legolas. Um, I'll just leave now ..  
  
Wood: Oh not yet, my point-eared friend ... *starts walking towards Legolas whit a wicked grin*  
  
Angelica: Noooooooooooooooooooo, don't hurt him *throws herself in front of Legolas in a very dramatic way*  
  
Then Professor Trelawney walks in  
  
Trelawney: I saw this coming  
  
Hermione: sure you did.  
  
Trelawney: I did! *to Harry* you are going to die..  
  
Harry: nothing new in other words..  
  
Trelawney: hmm, I'm sensing some anger here  
  
Hermione: yeah, and it's coming towards you in the shape of a giant fist  
  
Hits the Professor  
  
Hermione: finally, that shut her up. Now where were we?  
  
Angelica: Wood was just about to hurt my Lego  
  
Legolas: Your?!?  
  
Hermione: jeez, here's an idea, why don't we go out and start playing ¨_¨  
  
Harry: that's just crazy enough to work..  
  
Hermione: -_- let's just go outside okay?  
  
Wood: okay, *turns to Legolas* and don't think I've forgotten about you..  
  
Legolas: oh, scary. ..  
  
Dumbledore: Oh, could you just stop it!!!  
  
------------------------____________________--------------------------  
  
Lee: Sooooooooooooooooooooo, this is the game we've all been waiting for. Yes, it's the griffs against the snakes  
  
Claps and buuuuuuuus  
  
Lee: On the grif, there's Wood and HARRY POTTER, and some other guys, I don't know their names. Did I mention that HARRY POTTER's on the team.  
  
Claps from everyone besides Slytherins  
  
Lee: On the other teams there's um.. some players . yeah. Both teams ready? Okay, let's get ready to ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuumble..  
  
?  
  
Lee: Oh just go after the fucking ball..  
  
Wood: You know what you have to do Harry  
  
Harry: no  
  
Wood: -_-  
  
Harry: oh wait, I know.. just give me a sec.. um.. I'm supposed to .. um.  
  
Wood: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GET THE SNITCH!!!!!  
  
Harry: well, why didn't you just say so..  
  
Hoch (what the hell is her name? you know, that teacher. I've read the books in Norwegian so I have no idea..) walks out on the field, opens the box. Let the balls out and throws the snitch in Harry's directions.  
  
Harry gets it (duh) and the fight's over.  
  
--------------------------------_____________________----------------------- ----  
  
Back in the Locker-room  
  
Hermione: So, what did Dumbledore say?  
  
Harry: How would I know..  
  
Hermione: err, you were in his office..  
  
Harry: *blinks*  
  
Hermione: What did Dumbledore say when you were in his office  
  
Harry: dunno  
  
Dumbledore falls out from behind the door  
  
Dumbledore: Oh hi you guys, um. I just happened to walk by, a total coincident, and I just wanted to remind Harry that Voldemort is in a house in the woods..  
  
Then Hagrid walks in  
  
Hagrid: Oy there Dumbledore, how are you?  
  
Dumbledore: I'm fine  
  
Then Legolas walks in  
  
Legolas: hey, alright if I hide here?  
  
Hermione: sure  
  
Legolas: thanks, oh hi Dumbledore, Gandalf says hi  
  
Hagrid: How dare you *points at Legolas*, it's your high and almighty for who-I'm-unworthy-to-name, not Dumbledore. you unbeliever, get ready to die!!!  
  
Legolas: Um..  
  
Hermione: Of would you look at the time, um.. it's.. a lot. And we have to go to um.. er.. the place..  
  
Harry: where?  
  
Ron: yeah, where?  
  
Hermione: Um. THE place, you know..  
  
Harry: No  
  
Ron: no  
  
Hermione: let's just go okay  
  
Walks out and the two boys follow her.  
  
Hermione: so, we should probably go look for Voldemort..  
  
Harry: Okay  
  
------------------------------------____-------------------_----- ____________-----------------------------  
  
I'm sorry, this isen't funny, but I though I should put out SOMETHING 'cause it's been so long since I've last updated.  
  
Thanks to: craklyn, GrYfiNdR tOWr DeTH eAtr, Silver Dragon Goddess, somebody, Two bored idiots, Angl, chickabiddy, Kekelina, Rei-Chan, Sonata, hahahahahahahahahahaha, silver, me, Kathyhime85, Tigerlily, hrei-siesn, Cake Eater, Doe  
  
GrYfiNdR tOWr DeTH eAtr: Still don't know what the hell you're saying ^_^, and I think that if you would write in actual English I might understand. It's just, I'm from Norway, so I'm not really good in English and when you write like that, you might as well write in Chinese..  
  
Craklyn: Matrix the reloaded sucks, and thanks  
  
Somebody: I haven't used your idea in so far, but not to worry, all the founders will come..  
  
Chickabiddy: thanks for all the icons I haven't used any so far, but I will, and to your cat; hey there ^_^  
  
Silver Dragon Goddess: Thanks a lot ^_^  
  
Two bored idiots: I agree, this story is getting a little to stupid, but I'm trying to get it back on tracks..  
  
Angl: he he ^_^, thanks  
  
Kekelina: hey and thanks  
  
Sonata: lol, and thanks  
  
Hahahahahahahahahaha: you still there? and thanks  
  
Silver: thanks  
  
Me: thanks  
  
Kathyhime85: ^_^  
  
Tigerlily: thanks a lot ^_^  
  
Hrei-siesn: nice.. (I'm not saying this in a sarcastic way)  
  
Cake Eater: Thanks..  
  
Doe: thanks  
  
Rei-Chan; thanks for everything M, you're the best!!  
  
Peace out  
  
Some gay: hey, why didn't you thank ME  
  
Me: why should I ?  
  
Some gay: because I am ME  
  
Me: bite me 


	10. A really, really creepy house

A new chapter in a looong while.. It's not really long or good, but I felt kind of bad fro not putting something out in so long..  
  
HOUSE  
  
So our um. heroes are now in the woods when suddenly a giant black house appears, you know the kind. It just screams haunted.  
  
Hermione: I think it would be a good idea to go into that creepy house.  
  
Harry: Yeah, I think so too  
  
Ron: Then what are we waiting for  
  
Harry: I don't know, do you?  
  
Turns to Ron  
  
Ron: I though you did  
  
Hermione: -_-  
  
Draco: How do you manage to work whit these.  
  
Note: they brought Draco with them, because. um.. Harry had a hair situation.  
  
Hermione: Believe me it's not easy.  
  
Ron and Harry: hey!  
  
Hermione: Let's go  
  
Inside the house  
  
Ron: it's sort of scary here..  
  
Harry: I know.. Ron behind you, a giant spider  
  
Ron turns  
  
Ron: Where, where get it off me, get it off me. *starts crying and screaming like a little girl*  
  
Harry: he he, got you  
  
Ron: Idiot  
  
Hermione: I think it would be a good idea if we all separated, that way Voldemort.  
  
Ron: Don't say that name.  
  
Harry: You didn't mind before.  
  
Ron: So  
  
Hermione: Okay, let's not forget: I'm the smart here; you're just here to make me look good  
  
Harry and Ron: Are not  
  
Draco: go on hon..  
  
Hermione: um. Thanks. As I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted *looks at Harry and Ron* is that I think it would be a good idea NOT to stick together, and go on our own in this creepy house that we have never been in before. ^_^  
  
Draco: Why, that's a great idea, I'll take the bathrooms and bedrooms and every where there's mirrors.  
  
Hermione: Err.. how about, I go upstairs, you go downstairs, and Harry and Ron covers the ground floor. But remember: do NOT stick together, so if you see each other, just go off in opposite directions.  
  
So Ron goes to the left, Harry to the right, Draco takes the basement and Hermione goes up the stairs.  
  
RON  
  
Ron goes along the hall muttering "stupid Hermione think she's better than me" and suddenly Voldemort appears  
  
Lord Voldemort: Aha, I got you now. what the fuck.. who are you ?  
  
Ron: I'm Ronald Weasly, I'm poor ^_^  
  
Lord Voldemort: oookey, always nice to know ?_?, but what are you doing here  
  
Ron: I don't know ^_^ But just in case, I'm going to tell you our secret plan and trust you to keep it from Lord Voldemort, say you haven't happen to see him have you?  
  
Lord Voldemort: Err.. no. But what's the secret plan?  
  
Ron: We are going to dress up like chickens and surprise Lord Voldemort  
  
Lord Voldemort: I'll keep my eyes open, er.. I mean bye bye  
  
Ron: What a nice man.  
  
DRACO  
  
Draco never got to the basement, he found a mirror in a hall and he's still standing in front of it admiring his great hair.  
  
HARRY  
  
Skipping along singing "little Mary", when suddenly Lord Voldemort jumps out from the curtains dressed like in a big with sheet.  
  
Harry: Oh No!!! It's um... what is it?  
  
Lord Voldemort: uUUuu I'm a ghost, uUuuU  
  
Harry: Oh no! It's a ghost!!  
  
Lord Voldemort: There's a deadly spell in my wand with your name on it!  
  
Harry: Really a present? ^_^ for me?  
  
Lord Voldemort: Um.. sure but you have to go into the hall to get it..  
  
Harry: okay.  
  
What will happen to Hermione, stay tuned 


End file.
